Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
