matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
