In the future we'll all be gay
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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