Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
