no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
