apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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