have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
