I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
