I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
