If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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