margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
