i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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