Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
