a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
