If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
