Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
