Plan B is the new Plan A
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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