I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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