probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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