i think my mom watched the whole time
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry about my life...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
