Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
