I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
