I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
