WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
