Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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