I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
