just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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