Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
