Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
