so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
