Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
