You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
