You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
