i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
