you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize