you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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