Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
