When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
