Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
