i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
