Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
