You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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