sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
