my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
