return my video game
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
