I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
