I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
