god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
