i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize