I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
