Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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