so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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