i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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