I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
