i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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