I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
