i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
