Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
