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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
