My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
