So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
