Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
