i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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