Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
