she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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