So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
