You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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