You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
