I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
