Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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