Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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