On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
