I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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