i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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