I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
