dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
did i just pee glitter
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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